last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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