I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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