It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
