Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
