im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
