I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
