Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
