It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
