If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
