Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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