mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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