She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
