just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
