but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
