I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
