We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
