Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
