upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
