Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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