just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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