I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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