I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Rumble strips road head = magical
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
