It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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