i was rollin on her like bob the builder
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
