I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
