just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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