don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
