She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
