My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
