My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
