if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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