If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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