you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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