I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
