Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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