plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just want to make out with him forever
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
