I must be too annoying 4 u.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
