even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
