My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
