guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
