her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
