bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
