haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
