girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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