is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
