I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
