if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
