tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Houston, we have a blender
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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