I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
