This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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