This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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