omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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