Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I have aggressive nipples.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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