i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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