your parents love me but you hate me
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
